Stellar Chariot

By Arun Neelakandan

Advice to (Indian) Guys Trying to Pick Up Girls Online/Facebook

I’m a guy from India who has lived in Australia for more than 10 years. I sometimes hear from my annoyed (girl) friends about how they’re constantly being approached by random guys on Facebook.

Here’s an example approach:

'Soo Sweet Sweet' working his charm

I cringe when I see things like this.

If you’re someone who does this, how often are you ‘successful’? Do you regularly get what you want? Do you want to be more successful?

What do you want?

Take some time to consider these questions:

  • What am I trying to achieve?
  • What actions are available?
  • What action should I take?
  • Is my chosen action the right thing to do?

Write answers down if you can — it really helps.

‘I want a girlfriend or date someone’

Remember that Facebook is not really a dating site. If you want a girlfriend or date someone, I would suggest a proper dating site like OkCupid. The people (yes, even girls!) on a dating site are actually looking to date people!

Why girls ignore you

Girls ignore you because they think you’re a sleazy and/or untrustworthy guy. Why? Indian, Bangladeshi men (and others from the Indian subcontinent) have developed a reputation for being seedy because they randomly approach girls online for the ‘wrong’ reasons. Such guys have a ‘scent’ that can be detected online (e.g. poor spelling, silly names etc.)

Remember that people, particularly women, typically avoid confrontation and being blunt when they don’t want to deal with you (at least, outside business situations). You can assume that the lack of positive signals (including silence) usually means ‘no’.

How to be more successful

Again, if you actually use a proper dating site and not Facebook, you are more likely to be successful because the people on a dating site are actively looking to date! Plus, you’re also not perpetuating the stereotype of the ‘sleazy Indian’ or bothering people on Facebook. Win-win!

To be likeable and trusted, you have to be genuine, especially when you’re meeting someone new. You have to be approachable, trustworthy and you. You can help achieve this on Facebook or online by:

  • Using proper English and avoiding SMS-style contractions where possible (at least, initially)
  • Using your actual name (a name like ‘Soo Sweet Sweet’ or ‘Melted Hero’ is laughable and is NOT cool or attractive)
  • Having an decent looking profile picture. Photos with excessive filters/effects applied or irrelevant pictures like a car is not recommended.
  • Having a trustworthy life/identity, with varied interests

With this in mind, let’s look at what ‘Soo Sweet Sweet’ is doing wrong on Facebook (apart from using Facebook to ‘make new friends n more’):

Mistakes by 'Soo Sweet Sweet'

Hope this helped you. All the best.