Stellar Chariot

By Arun Neelakandan

Boner Pants

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Exhibit A: Notice the uniform, transverse fold of fabric across the nether region.

There are pants that make you look like you have a boner. The construction of the fabric is such that it naturally looks as if Captain Standish is sailing at full mast.

These are called boner pants.

This affliction affects many people, including females. Please, be thoughtful in your judgment — as not all (pant wearers and witnesses alike) are aware. That is, not all tents are really pitched.

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Exhibit B

How can one determine the authenticity of such a state? One way is the ‘fold test’, which involves pinching and folding the fabric, as the moving picture below demonstrates. However, this is not a feasible nor a graceful way to demonstrate to your fellow witnesses that you are indeed in a condition of monk-like calm.

Often, it’s the excess that forms a ‘mound’. Here is the ‘fold’ test that demonstrates the lack of genuine wood (unless you happen to have a member like a tape measure…)

P.S. Boner pant wearers may be incognisant because (a) they know they aren’t aroused, so they think they have nothing to hide beneath the belt and (b) the purported inferior peripheral version in males compared to females?

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